dumdum (:

2009-11-17T13:24:00.002+08:00

((: though i am trapped but i guess thats how i feel. i hope this would not be a trouble for you. and also not for me. okay 17th nov :))

2009-11-14T02:48:00.002+08:00

i love today (: though later part was kinda afraid but its all over. i hope it don rain later, so may goddess grant my wish? (: and i am falling more.. and never forget papaya and bingo, they gave me the best laughter ever!

2009-11-11T04:34:00.001+08:00

i cant believe that i am up for this shit what is happening to me it all feel suck, real suck.

2009-11-09T23:00:00.003+08:00

are we drifting further or am i just thinking too much? recently i have been making so much thinking and now i am exhausted. uhmm nothing motivate me. life have been real sucky. am i even worth living? just like some thrash that are left behind. i want to do more blading! i believe it will be a bonus to my diet plan. cut cut cut!

2009-08-21T00:24:00.002+08:00

i wouldn't have/never get a chance to even get a bit closer
only get to know how you've been by media
its really tough, its draining me out
treasuring any chance to get to see you
even to travel a thousand miles
and just from afar

or why not just take me away, lord?

2009-08-18T01:01:00.007+08:00

cant believe i've already written to-bring, to-buy list
i hope tmr is 30sept
*pin of hope still linger around

2009-08-05T02:02:00.004+08:00

all those beautiful dreams
that i didn't even want to wake up from
that i didn't even realise that it wasn't real
that left me with pain
and repeating of pictures
that landed in my dreams
as if i am back into
something i always fail.

2009-07-29T23:43:00.002+08:00

86 tears 86 torment
add on smiles$, add on happiness$
and how much will that cost?
drop me the check
i will make the payment
so it all stop here
admire you from afar
would be the best happiness i could give.

2009-07-29T01:04:00.003+08:00

it's all worthwhile, right? another add on would be the deadly schedule how sad life can be life is unfair, right juli?

2009-07-26T01:29:00.003+08:00

when emotions crushed down
how am i going to deal with it?

2009-07-17T02:15:00.002+08:00

falling
trying
fearing
ed and then ing
one more try
is it gonna be a good one?

2009-07-14T18:19:00.002+08:00

it brought me back where i used to be
i missed her subconsciously
back to that dream
i felt how i used to feel
those comfortable zone
when you knew she is/was the one
then when i woke up
my mind went totally blank
only occupied with that thought
next moment,
all you want to do is to hurry yourself back to sleep
because you want to feel it all over again
and realised that you cant get back to sleep
because is her that is all in your mind by now.

2009-07-09T05:10:00.003+08:00

i can only say
it gets harder everyday
that i cant seem to shake off the pain
lord from above
would you please
take me into a dream
and tell me all about it
its getting into me
it has only given me bad times
and that now i wish i never know about it.

2009-07-04T03:54:00.002+08:00

argh dont make me fall then you ignore
i am not up to that kinda game

"Your not the person that you used to be, 
The one I want who wanted me, 
And that's a shame but, 
There's only so many tears that you can cry. 
Before it drains the light right from your eyes, 
And I can't go on that way. 
And so I'm letting go of everything we were, 
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. "

2009-06-29T00:24:00.002+08:00

eventually my tears just came rolling down
sometime i wish for the better
it's not an excuse
it's just how it is
sometime so strong
i don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
sometime i wish i was smarter
stupid things I wish I didn’t do but I do

2009-06-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

when does all these pain gonna stop
how long does these gonna last
i am losing myself
i talk to me
i couldn't understand most of it

2009-06-09T23:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wanna give up
sometime i wanna give in
and sometime i just wanna quit the fight.

2009-06-03T00:11:00.004+08:00

the image of you still lingered around
walking down those streets
aroma of you still around
i thought was you
while my heart beating fast
but when i turned my head around
my heart sank
as much as i don't wish to bump into you
and as much as i want to know how are you
i am drifting away from myself
sometime i still clicked on that.

2009-05-22T14:17:00.001+08:00

my hands still trembled
i'm starting not to understand myself

2009-05-20T00:22:00.002+08:00

i never thought that i would do this
never cross my mind
not only sinking into my mind now
multiple emotions that i had been through
is these all worthwhile
did i teared more than i smiled
after all those words
i made myself leave further away
hope so far that i can't reach anymore
it hurt badly and yet still mean so much
but it stopped
nothing mean anything to me now

2009-05-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

don't look back.

2009-05-06T02:00:00.002+08:00

when the night arrived, all i could see is darkness
all i heard were just water dripping, windows clicking, voices of fan,
heavy breathing, tedious coughing, panicky heartbeats, restless yawning,
worrying sigh, weak foot steps, motionless sight.
voices that seem like i never heard before,
pictures that i had never thought before.
my life started to walk away from alive,
and everything's just dead now.
i see no more heartbeat in my smile,
slowly the sadness started growing unknowingly.
everything ahead seem blurred,
that i couldn't feel it anymore.
just give me a little more time,
and then i would breakdown from everything.

2009-04-24T00:41:00.002+08:00

i foresee nothing
and just telling myself
to enjoy all these moments
someday i will understand
that i am bad
and you deserve noone like me
i give myself a little more time
to convince myself
then i will mark it with a full stop.

2009-04-23T01:24:00.002+08:00

after all i am still not that strong
just again everything,
everything just tumbled down on me
i really thought so
then proven me not
far from right
when everything goes wrong
nobody can share this pain.

2009-04-20T14:22:00.001+08:00

argh fuck!

2009-04-17T02:14:00.005+08:00

unfortunately, many asked me about it again
not upset but just a sudden disappointment
it has to be outta my life
argh miss drinking
time spent together was great (:
well i'm missing you again
can i even get to sleep tonight?

2009-04-16T02:42:00.002+08:00

i don mind how boring your drawing is
i will still save it as my wallpaper,
no doubt.

2009-04-15T02:13:00.003+08:00

after attempts
it's still the same
what does that supposed to mean
i just can't figure it out
but i dun beg for an answer
or is it just that i am too afraid to face
but each time when i look at you
my heart still get quicker
sometime i wander will i make it through someday.

2009-04-09T16:34:00.003+08:00

that little odd thing that lingered around inside
feeling of it just high and low
sometime puzzled over it
i am much curious
why am i missing you so often recently
at time i can't even get to sleep
tossed around for more than hour
listening to my heart beat getting quicker
then got the result of only half asleep
and it just happened last night
sometime you ought to be shot.

2009-04-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

i am missing you again
hope somehow, someday you'll know these
one day i will send those draft msges to you
no matter what will the answer be
stay happy (:

2009-04-08T01:59:00.001+08:00

i just wanna cry like a kid
sitting one side
and throw her tantrum
just because i miss you.

2009-04-06T18:36:00.006+08:00

how did i get myself so tangled up
silence room with no shadow
i wanna escape just a little while
i wanna close my eyes
and leave with no regret
but when i start to question myself
"have i been the best i can?"
i stumbled and stopped
all i know is that
i missed the sound of your voice
the visual of your sight
i don't need a quarter of your lifetime
but i just need seconds of you now
your constant changing
would not make me love you any lesser
and i wanna take a break
a stroll down on the snowing street alone
you got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
and i've just got to know
am i crazy or just falling in love
then i still can't figure it out
and only left with a blank image
that left me with that feelings
that could never be erased.

2009-04-01T22:30:00.002+08:00

lucky that i am all alone now.
i can't exactly give any explanation.
though just the dull side of life
but probably i belonged to it.

2009-03-26T23:57:00.001+08:00

helpless.
worrying.
troubled.
trapped.
blanked.
killing.

a little confused inside

2009-03-24T18:57:00.004+08:00

nothing must happen to my grandparents
nothing must happen to my kins
what will happen if any of you are gone?
y'all are supposed to be with me
in 10, 20 and even 30 years down the road

2009-03-21T20:30:00.009+08:00

i gave myself the hope
to keep myself in belief
but never know that it were just pack of lies
now i do
how do i keep myself to smile like before again?
only if i dont live with a heart
i dont have to go through these
i just dont wanna linger in the mid air
you have no idea

2009-03-20T01:14:00.003+08:00

i will let the picture do the talking.

2009-03-16T23:08:00.001+08:00

how do you weight an empty heart?

2009-03-13T00:25:00.005+08:00

why is life so fragile?
in emotional wise or whatsoever
if i could, i would
exchange my life for someone to live better
for someone to stop those struggles
for someone to get on the right track
but how could all these happen?
those that should stay
but they're gone
those that deserve better?
i questioned myself,
stop and observe
though i experienced so much in life
but why is it so hard to make things right?
i can't believe
so close but not even bit near

2009-03-07T17:25:00.002+08:00

how do you speak
when you are confused inside
and have no idea over what
just hoping that somebody
could take away this unknowing confusion

2009-03-05T23:37:00.002+08:00

realised something about herself.
good to have some time for yourselves.

2009-03-01T21:54:00.002+08:00

i will stay positive and will not conclude anything
even if its gonna take some time (:

2009-02-26T21:22:00.002+08:00

i got it i have figured out what i want i am clear of what i want just remain this way and i am happy.

2009-02-24T21:21:00.001+08:00

i miss you, havent seen you since then.

2009-02-23T23:35:00.001+08:00

i wanna kick that habit off.

2009-02-19T14:52:00.002+08:00

i'd rather know the truth
than to keep guessing
and not able to find the answer
just tell me whether it's good or bad
i don want to keep falling
then get trap in it
cos u're so different
that i can't seem to figure it out
that feeling goes thru the same cycle everyday
the urge of asking to my wanders
started to get stronger
or is it just me that's
being one sided over and over again?
is this just a game?

2009-02-17T13:07:00.002+08:00

when i want to to leave you ask me to stay when i want to stay you ask me to leave and now i know what's best for myself you got to realise it all over again and i dont think i want to go through that again once and for all i'll stay and listen to you for the last time

2009-02-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

day ninety-two

2009-02-07T01:32:00.001+08:00

keep piling

then am i right or wrong?

2009-02-04T05:11:00.003+08:00

i think i do
but i am still fighting against it
a battle that left with no retreat
but to keep going
either fight till the end
or you surrender
i know i can't backspace
but to enter
yet i'm at spacebar
not knowing what to do
i thought i found the ans from myself
but i know, i'm yet to know.

2009-02-01T01:22:00.002+08:00

its just a lie, i mean everything.
you don't know how am i feeling.

2009-01-30T11:44:00.002+08:00

i didn't know what to do
but just feeling kinda pissed
thought wasn't that way
though it appeared so
i tried to keep my mind off
but who can run away from reality?
if that's fated,
then i guess i will turn and walk away.
but i can tell you,
everything will turn sour.

*go all for it!

2009-01-28T12:26:00.005+08:00

why do i still dreamt of you?

i questioned myself,

and i think i am still leaving.

i don't want to stay to brinig myself down

and all i got are just more pain.

you are happier, leading better life,

and its time for me to head somewhere else.

goodbye my love.

2009-01-24T21:34:00.002+08:00

have not been feeling like this for so long
well i can't seem to put them into word.

your guardian angel

2009-01-21T00:42:00.003+08:00

When I see your smile
tears roll down my face.
I can't replace.

And now that I'm strong I have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul,
and I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's ok...
It's ok...
It's ok...

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Cause you're my
you're my, my,
my true love,
my whole heart,
please don't throw that away.

Cause I'm here, for you
please don't walk away and
please tell me you'll stay, stay..

Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I'll be okay
though my skies are turning gray.

2009-01-20T02:03:00.004+08:00

i closed my eyes
i feel that
do you feel it?
i think i can sense it coming
i have to understand
look what you have done
i can't fake..
neither i could make it
i didn't want to wake up
i can't go on..
i am not that strong..
i can't believe it
i can't face it
but i didn't want it that way,
the way i do.

am i crying for your happiness

or from the pain i'm coping with?

i am doubting huilin

*mom, suddenly i miss you

have you been good?

2009-01-16T23:14:00.004+08:00

sfiehuhdeufyheiwuriyiciagfwpoiapmc gh
fash vifhenvuiwupoidepwoi mcgjbd
es hoginhwojcidfyewnvpceou vh
veofhinepviwhnih nvsjp vpghw
s igvhedighnv urhetgpliepwiuv ighsdwc

iamfeelingthisway.
ihavecometothislimitthat
idontknowwhatelseicandoanymore.
sighhow
imissesyousomuchthatiamdyingtoseeyou.
afteryouleftidontknowwhatsmylifeallabout.
ourpastkeepflashingback,
iwanderdoyoustillthinkofitstill.
sorrybutimissyou.

2009-01-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

(the 60th day)
i know i am not over you
if i could, i would..
do anything for you
just wanna fall back those days
that we had been
but it hurts when i fell this hard
i just wanted you
just the way
we first in love with each other
but i know we can't do it anymore
you headed to the end of us
but i am still stuck at this point
how am i supposed to walk,
walk toward the ending line?
could you please hold me tight,
just one last time?

*badly that i need you,

but i won't show it.

2009-01-04T02:08:00.005+08:00

beginning of a new year
i started off with tear
then crying all out
but it doesnt make me feel any better
how am i suppose to face these
this beginning of a new life since last year?
its getting harder to get by each day
our past keep haunting me,
your faces never leave my mind.
i am losing the sense of living
why does it say time can heal
when i am still feeling this way?
(the 51th day)
*when will it be the last day that i will survive?

those dreams that i dreamt
brought me tears when i was woke up by it
first i cant sleep
then to tears
second wasnt that bad cos was a happy dream
but fact is that it wasnt
third was horrible
i woke up not only in tears
but it seem so real that
brought me back to that spot
then slowly..
i've lost the meaning in life.
whats all this about?
then screaming, blaming, assuming and everything
were just too painful
so what if noone can see it?
maybe when yall realise
might be too late,
cos the thoughts of it keep rushing into me recently.
sad to say but it was all just sorry and goodbye.

2008-12-31T10:15:00.003+08:00

(the 47th day)

who cares about you?

who give you a damn?

another year coming yet it just like another day to pass

another year to struggle on my own

have to face it all alone

used to spend it so meaningful with her

so happily,

but after these i seem to lost a big part of me

i don't know what am i living for now

i used to have some daily aim

eg. planned plans to spend our times

well, i'm still loving you

*you will be my special one

babyimissyou!

2008-12-29T02:12:00.002+08:00

i have lost the meaning of life
what is it all about?
why does we even need love to keep our life going?
why cant we live without love?
why do human have to be so weak?
life's bitch.
whats the point of fighting and fighting
against the pains and then going thru again?
then one day you have to leave this world?
what is life exactly all about?
where are all of us heading to now?
where am i standing now?
where are you heading now?
staying much further away from me?
so what is our existance for?
what are my role in this life?

i don't know.

2008-12-28T18:17:00.001+08:00

(the 44th day)

突然好想你

stay close, don't go baby

2008-12-25T14:34:00.002+08:00

(the 41th day)

i wish to stay still at that moment
baby i miss you
got reminded of you
with every things that i do
i wish i am blind
so that i couldn't see
and i will shut myself up

*i'll do better
i know, baby i can do better

2008-12-23T00:12:00.004+08:00

the 39th day
and i felt even more painful now.

*We were as one baby
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly cause
I know in my heart, baby
Our love will never die
You'll always be a part of me
cause you'll always be my baby
time can't erase a feeling this strong

*baby i know our love will never die
someday when i'm stronger
i'll pick that courage up again to woo you back
now that i've set you free
i need time to get back on my feet.

2008-12-18T16:22:00.000+08:00

34th day

(empty)

.....

2008-12-16T16:59:00.007+08:00

i regret for not saying i love you when i had the chance to

i regret for not calling you all those names when i want to

i regret for breaking my promises when i could choose not to break

i regret not kissing you when i was still able to

i regret not hugging you for an extra moment before letting you go

i regret for being a monster to you and left you with no escape

i regret about everything that i didn't do for you

i regret for not giving you my best that i have

i regret for not spending more time with you

i regret for not spending all our time wonderfully

and that we had wasted our time on quarrels

i regret screaming/ shouting/ raising/ yelling/ scolding at you

i regret for not treating you with more patience

but i can't take all these back anymore.

it's just too late.

too late.

i can't take this pain anymore

once you were my lover, my friend, my companion, my best shopping partner, my food hunt partner, my decision maker, my laughter, my joy, my best prawning mate, my best adventurous partner, my best pillion that look out traffic for me (i guess only you would do this for me), the first comes into my mind when i was at my lowest, when i miss my mom, when i needed someone most and the first of everything in my life; my everything

and now turns to nothing

i miss everything about you.

holding those tears that slowly forming inside my eyes.

i hope whatever we had done and said tgt will only remain in us

i hope those name you called is just for me

i hope those things that you have done for me is just for me

and i hope...

my love

32th day

2008-12-16T16:01:00.005+08:00

maybe you got scared

maybe i had nothing else to say

but i love you

so baby now my life's a mess

because i couldn't love you any less

it's not right

it's not fair

missing you so badly baby

i'm still feeling the pain

cuts like a knife

and it seem like it's yester

what if you, were the love of my life?

i hate myself, for letting you to have the reasons to leave me. to allow you to take away from myself. i hate whatever reasons it gave you to have the courage to leave. and i remembered our first and marked our last christmas that we had spent tgt last year, do you remember still?

i just wander

do you ever think

of me anymore,

do you?

2008-12-15T17:43:00.002+08:00

how can everything moved on so fast?

i cant even catch my breathe

and then next moment i realised

that i'm feeling worse

caught up with feelings

and then i broke down

this feelings keep trapping inside me

i cant seem to get this out.

small lil stuffs that i did, cared

seem rubbish, utter rubbish.

from special, important and then to nothing

and worse, to misunderstand.

you read too much into it when you are not suppose to.

your image keep repeating in my mind,

but very very blurry

is you and our us that is driving around my mind,

nonstop.

how can things changed so fast

that i hardly can even see myself now.

2008-12-13T01:24:00.001+08:00

the visual of us inside me started to blur
the image of your face fading from my memories
your voice has gone far away from me
your laughters and tears has been wiped away by time
reminding is painful
realising is terrible
vows are bullshit
i hope to stay in this circle of our memories
that could be the best
and also the worse
wishes you...

2008-12-06T21:55:00.002+08:00

back to reality
move away alil
distance alil more
step back alil each day
day by day,
i wanna make it distance further
cos i don wanna make the wrong move/ mistake
as long as you stay that way,
that i want it to be
and i start from today.

2008-12-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

stop there for our best memories.
mind game fuck.
full stop.

2008-12-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

i'm bored!

i still think of you.

2008-11-30T13:53:00.003+08:00

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
我都还记得

你不等了说好的
幸福呢我错了
泪干了放手了
后悔了只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢?

i'm happy girl (:
worth going for it.
worth giving the shot.
i guess i'm moving near (:

2008-11-22T02:05:00.002+08:00

why things turn out this way?
should i stop there or start running?

2008-11-20T03:30:00.002+08:00

read thru her blog once again
it all still quite clear inside me
about everything
its really still painful inside me
but no other way out beside being like this.
i will keep it to myself.

2008-11-16T20:34:00.001+08:00

unwell
painful
disappointed
fucked up day
i dont look forward to tmr anymore.

2008-11-09T20:24:00.003+08:00

i just wander.
how
what
where
when
why
i just wander.
take me with you like how you used to.
ask me for all my attention like how you used to.
hoping for my reply like how you used to.
please don't give me the chance,
to allow you to slipped through my finger so soon.
just stay there,
for that moment,
please!

2008-11-07T23:54:00.003+08:00

in love is a wonderful thing
it make me feel wonder with you
love have got no limit
you go all for it to love, to care, to show love
sometime it make you cry
and to make you laugh at the next seconds
and thats the wonder of it
cos at the end of the day
you will remember the goods
and i forgotten the bads
its funny to do silly and stupid stuff at that moment
but end of it, you will smile to yourselves
and at the end of the day
i've learn to love you more
but not any lesser
and there is a huge mistake that i've made
that i didn't treasure, didnt love enough, didn't care enough in time.
can't turn back anymore.

2008-11-01T13:21:00.003+08:00

here come my post that baby have been awaiting for..

back to the sweet old times..more bus-ride with me as promised..im glad (:baby sent me to sch via bus!! coools lols!baby apparently has a second wife..it gonna be a year soon. the wife always throw tantrum at her..prays the wife would be good to her..so she will spend less money on herand feed her more V-power (:Went Taos's yesterday for our FAVOURITE DESSERT & DRINK (:Rose Apple tea!!Since its a 7 course meal its comes withbread to appetizer to grill mushroom to soup to main course to dessert to drinks.$29.80+ per person...super EX! but its worth the money since its super nice..not gonna elaborate on the cost..baby will nag on how much i ate lols! (*she ate my main course)Since drinks its included we both order rose apple tea for that..think the assistant manager know we like itand he treat us another one FREE!Super nice people plus nice ambience..Sounded as if me and baby went for the first time...haaas..nah its our third time!now we know a better way to save money for Taosand to fully utilize our Stomach..we will head down next week again if possible (:can't wait for it!Cream brulee & Rose Apple Tea please wait for me! (:

okay thats what we have been doing
and now starting to miss Rose apple Tea alr
we have to go back soon baby
yester went bugis street
i would say baby you got many things
everything is so cheap and
you went crazy
you were like so eager to go in to shop
and grab all!
okay beside baby spent $50++
on jacket 2tops one formal shoes and a tight
i got 2 things that i've longed to buy too
shoes and bags
wohoooo! yester shiok uh
cos i havent been buying so many thing
according to baby cos of my wife
thn headed to suntec to have fish & co.
damn sick over it
thts wht we thought
but of the baked salmon changed baby thinking
it was nice but calamari was waste of money
okay after this i gonna head to fish & co. office soon
to redeem my money and then pay my installment
damn everytime get money sure spend away like very soon
thn called juli and headed to ps
met her and jas and wanted to watch this horror show
but guess baby was lucky enu that it selling fast
and we changed in plan
went to bin hse with fear
and really fear
okay not to mention or else baby and me tension gonna get high again
and sister have Lee Hom concert ticket tonight
and i am going with her!
okay excited cos of Lee Hom
and also i nv been to concert b4
but quite sad that baby cant go
cos sis wanna go and only 2tix available ):
sigh baby i miss you badly!
i'm going off to my grandma hse soon
bye bye!

2008-10-17T22:30:00.002+08:00

one thing about love is never compare
especially to your old love or ex
then next important thing about love is
never measure love with time
there's a story that a very mean gf went thru her gf notebook
without her permission and saw all those past picture
that was with her ex and she as hurt
she thought that she could hide and not letting her partner know
but she found out
and she have a lot of different feeling
she too, thought that she could handle it inside herself
but then yet started a quarrel and fight over such thing
first she was very disappoint and upset and pissed
and carry on with her cold treatment but yet concern and worry for her
but she can't bear to put aside of her anger
then her partner was very hurt she cried and cried and of cos she is pissed
both parties was so pissed and yet to take a step in
then thing eventually got worse
to think it thru again she felt that she is silly
and her partner alr did wht she wants
but still no change in any of them yet
havent read the other part of the story yet,
so i guess i am still yet to find the ans.

had fish and co food was so so
and i guess we will get sick of it very very soon aft the second visit
tmr have to go dinner with my grandma and yes
baby have to go dinner with her family and relatives too
timing was nice (:
tmr going bugis shop before going to dinner
and well baby wanna get her stuffs before
her school reopen (:
oh no baby school reopen in 2days time ):
how will it turn out to be like?
i dare not to think about it):

2008-10-14T22:17:00.002+08:00

now too broke to change phone
so i guess plan is cancelled
yester prawning
but catch was bad
and i mean real BAD!
but after all
get to meet juli and her lover
bin and her fav
and get to spend time
with baby
it was still great after all (:
then today the 14.10.08 (:
a great day i guess
had nice dinner aft baby sch
went to collect vocher
thn to shop a lil while b4 going home
nice day i guess
what about baby?
then fri heading to great world
to have fish and co
but tmr still going to great world
just cos baby wana get her nice nice belt
alright got to go off for assessement
baby nice nice 14.10.08 (:

2008-10-10T02:03:00.002+08:00

oh ya ya world
i am excited with our changing phone plan
though is not very sure yet
but least there hope
G900! i hope i can get that,
but......
okay the phone just give me this special feelings
okay might be rubbish
but baby knows...
night once again
and love you baby!
muacks!

2008-10-10T01:57:00.002+08:00

baby i've been missing out so many thing
and now i duno where to start?
so tell me where am i suppose to start?
humpf! okay right now you shud be sound aslp
and i am too tired to edit my proposal now
too tired and brain cells reaching minus
baby changed her blogskin
and i can say nice (:
i like la so u can stay with that alr
hee baby i look forward to tmr
cos it have been so long that we really spend time tgt
i know i dun have much time
and i have been making you upset
sigh baby im sorry for everything ):
i didnt mean to
i promise, all my free time for you okay?
plus u wanna go out with me lo
tmr will be meeting up yeah
cos today we didnt manage to meet up
due to obstacles
better not mention
baby asked me to think where to slack tmr
requirement: bugis area
where can i think of ????
i'm full of question marksss????
alright what i have to do is to think before i slp
night world!
i love you baby!

SURPRISE (:

2008-10-08T00:02:00.001+08:00

I'm lucky..
Try my luck.....
& I INVADED YOUR BLOG (:

Make a guess...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
See you (:
mysterious someone (:

i've a dream.

2008-09-14T00:07:00.002+08:00

just a random thoughts that rushing into me.
just sometime when u cant accept the reality
you started to think thru all the possibilities
she might be still alive
but just somewhere that you dont know and she forget about her past
or she is still alive
but she is quietly being by your side just to ensure your safety
or she is alive
and also trying to look for us too
just sometime, i've this kinda feeling that she not dead
that she is somewhere trying to reach us.
sometime just some stranger that passes me,
resemble of her
and all your illusions start all over again.
can it be true?
where have you been?
i've been living cluelessly within myself for all this 11yrs
though sometime i dont think of u so much
but you will still appeared in my dreams
sometime smile, sometime pain, sometime troubled and sometime weak.
all this adding to my thoughts and it start growing the pain in my heart
i dont even know the actually reason of you leaving
where have you been?
i just want to know your whereabout like all the lil kids wants to know about their mom
and how are you?
just one more chance,
i will hold you tight and so close to me
that you can feel my heart beats inside me,
i will tell you how much i love you since that very start.

mummy i miss you!
come back to me
and thats my dream.

2008-07-29T22:11:00.002+08:00

one hour plus more and it will hit on our 18mths(:
it really not easy and guess it really tough to come to where we are now
so the more i would want to treasure
to keep this good
to keep this further, whether it will succeed
not tht matter cos its the time that we spent worthwhile
sometime get both of us on nerves and sometime really just keep our tears rolling
but to keep our hearts loving each other not only sometime
cos it have been
i know tues is a drag
if it is fated, it would have happen long ago baby
and i love u even more and i'll keep myself away from any misunderstanding
sakura was incredible, it mean everything when there's food to fill our stomach,
and water to quench our thirst and of cos laughter to keep our memory more wonderful
hope camping plus bbq this sat will be on and of cos bangkok trip
baby not to be scare ok? ~hugs
once again happy 18mths *my fuddy duddy (:

2008-07-11T12:48:00.002+08:00

i have a wish tht noone can grant
not even the god, i guess
i miss my mom
have a thousands dream of her
being back here again with us
like back alive again
then sometime she smile
sometime she look troubled
only if i have one wish tht i can grant
i wish this would be the one
whenever i woke up from the dream
i wish i would be back again to feel her
to touch her
but is not within my control
then i would always look thru her pic
to least see her face with smile
flashing back to the time when i am still young,
if i would know her time will be up
i would treasure her
i would hug her tight give her kisses to tell her i love her
but all this can nv be done again
mummy, i miss you!

2008-07-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

it must be hard for baby
she have to work give tuition and again project
her time will be divided into so many many
tht guess she dun even have time for herself
least i am happy she still will have time for me
i know even its hard on her she will still sqeezed the time out for me
thanks baby!
been so looking forward for sat
cos baby wana go jogging in the morn
thn we gonna go prawning!
this time round we decided to have one rode each
so pray less less ppl and more more prawns
cos i am gonna strike all the prawns up to my hooks
and so nothing gonna stop me
yes i am so much enthu it!
hope friends will come along too
cos more ppl more merries like what baby said b4
hurry hurry turn tmr to sat!
baby still on discussion and hope she's fine
and she said wana have med tonight
hope is the truth and hope she will have it
so she will recover real soon
i dun want to feel her forehead and still feel tht heat
hurry go away and so baby will be fine and able to concentrate her stuff
alright off i go! *hugs baby!

2008-06-29T22:12:00.002+08:00

fri night was a shiok-ed one
met up with toh guan at AMK hub cos given the information that he will be having dinner alone so being nice suppose to meet him 945 so end up his late and came at 10pm so he felt gulity and treated each of us one coke each haha so while waiting for him, me and baby so kan chiong and hurry tied the hooks okay it wasnt me cos i duno how to is baby thn soon aft he reached we vroomed to prawning then saw juli at the opp when we were turning into the carpark so suddenly baby let out a loud shout that actually enu to shocked me thn park rushed to book nice spot (not good at all) cos there many ppl while waiting for weibin to come over aft her trg meanwhile we order chicken wings, bbq, fried. so shiok so i am scare tht uncle will scolded cos we occupied so many seats and holding no rode at all so i decided that i will get one first and soon aft weibin is here and for so long not prawning, the result is tht i caught none at first cos of the not good spot and baby caught least 3 from there so i am so discouraged so i decided to change spot and headed to another corner and lucky enu i caught one baby prawn (ok stop saying cos i feel like prawning now!) then aft tht small lil tiny prawn i caught grandpa prawn but not yet great-grandpa ok simple to said we had lotsa fun thn went for bbq and everything was so fun include i bluff toh guan tht the prawn feeler can be eaten and first he didnt believe so asked me to try it first so i have to be more brave so tht i can trick him and ended up i ate one small part of it and toh guan still can tell me tht it tasted like biscuit andvery crispy and meanwhile when baby was talking to him i hurry hurry phew out and i still didnt tell him the truth damn funny and thn went to toh guan hse for mahjong and tht was ard 3plus i think and hurry play play and me and baby lose again but least we all enjoyed the game thn 530 headed to mac breakfast and headed back and baby came over my hse to stayover (sorta) and i was so happy till 1030 baby hurry rush out in order not to see tht bastard and send her home swt home and hurry back to catch some slp so can wake up to grandma hse for lunch i have to say tht i enjoyed my fri night with baby and groups of friends tht only bring laughters and joys and thts the reason why i always look forward to weekend now and of cos beside tht my baby, can spend time with her (: thn aft lunch fetch baby and we headed to tiong to hope for ajisen pork rib ramen and ended up some bad new tht they removed it from menu and i am so so so ultimate sad so ate the dessert and its cute and tasteful thn far east walk walk then so happy to saw the slippers tht i want but only have size 39 when mine is 38! (aaaaargh so pissed) then baby brought ear rings which is worth the money and off for dinner and walk walk again i have to say tht the mee hon kuey not as nice as b4 and tht make me even more sad but baby cheer me up (: have mar bars too but after taking it we are so regret and we even up size it! bad bad thn hurry off to ps for john lil sale and realised its the last 3days! and the crowd is more thn horrible but nothing bring us down when we saw 20% off storewide so without hesitate we queued up for more then 30min for just one item? haha but its all worth while tht i have to indicate thn again late night with cousins and friend and of cos baby at rocky master for coke and cousin brought "baked fish with wedges" which is so so nice and tht baby is hooked with it now and i am too so i am thinking of next weekend another late night at rocky master with my cousin, what do u think baby? and slack smoke chit chat laught teased so fun and headed home at 1plus and poor cousins and friend got to walk to somerset for night rider and surprising enu tht they reached home at 2plus when they stayed west side? proved tht trans island bus driver is dangerous send baby home and lucky enu her parents is home and so she feel ease and me home to catch slp for work the next day which is today and aft work baby came to look for me thanks darling and went to buy my reserved short n baby caught an eye on one of the belt and with the 20% again baby brought it cannot lugi and j.co and to funan for baby laptop service which end up give her a statisficed ans n off to central and practically no shop for us to be amused so pepper lunch for dinner and went home for baby and i hurry down to bugis to meet cousin for euro cup betting and home again!
happy day! more plan for weekend so worth while waiting alright to friends and baby, pls!
P.S i love you!
(nice book tht must catch!)

2008-05-21T01:50:00.003+08:00

1 year 3mths and 21days
when was the last time that you kiss me?
when was the last time you hug me?
when was the last time you hold my hand?
when was the last time you hold me close to you?
its blurred in my memories.
when was the last time you open out to me?
when was our last time hugging tight to each other?
when was the last time that we say mushy stuff face to face?
when was the last time that you say i miss you?
where was our good memories?
where are the both of us that we used to be?
when was the last time that you even agreed to work things out?
where are all these now?
i cant foresee what will happen in the near future
its all seem so uncertain include us.

2008-05-17T21:35:00.003+08:00

today is a sat
she's over at genting with her parents
a great hol for her
to keep her happy
to keep her burden free
i'm sure she would be enjoying herself
and here i hope she would be perfectly fine

today is a sat
i spent almost the whole day slping
yester stay up till the morn
to msg her
woke up over to my grandma hse
have my lunch, but grandma dinner
thn watch show
and here back home
still realising im still watching tv
gonna change my bedsheet ltr
kinda relantant
cos has got her smell on it
and my smelly smell
but still in consideration
i am really missing her here
and nv lie about this.

i want her to take care of herself
be there enjoying
and come back here sound and safe.
nv fail to feel i love you!

2008-05-07T01:48:00.003+08:00

baby aint feeling well today
she felt so xinku when she was at work
i was damn worried but
yet i am hopelessly helpless
sigh, so what i thought was just to buy some juices for her
that i thought it might help somehow
and now still in my box!
told her to take off and back home for rest
but she's so responsible that she said she'll endure
i really admire her responsiblity
she even said, even tmr she's feeling worse
she wont take off cos her superviser aint around
and that she have to go to work even more
oh no, baby is so damn hardworking
baby
1.please drink more water
2.must wear jacket whenever you are in the office cos cold and the more you have to keep yourself warm
3. take short break whenever you are feeling giddy
4.remb to take your med regularly even you are busy with work
5.never fail to let me know your condition

im not sure will u read this but whatever it is i pray
that you gonna be fine soon
yes had another bad bad ending of the day for us again
but doesnt mean any changes in my love for her
she is still my no.1 and i mean it here
no matter what she said when she's angry
no matter how fierce she is
and no matter what changes in her
i love her and really happen deep inside me
been thru so much, learnt so much
but only with her, i feel so much true
that bring my dream come true,
many things that we nv experienced before
we also been thru tgt
like going genting just the 2 of us
and even first time go prawning tgt
going singing only you and me
go drinking, timbre with only you
riding a bike with you at my back as my blind spotter
only you been thru with my whole 5days birthday chalet
and many more
all the goods & all the bads
definitely stay in my heart and mind more than ever.
goodnight baby i love you!

2008-04-30T02:11:00.002+08:00

happy 15th monthsary!

one of my longest r/s

and also one of my deepest love

the one tht i love the deepest

i know shudnt measure a love this way

not the time matter

but hope tht i am the one tht u loved, or loving the most

i shudnt compare

but i love you and i do.

1yr 3mth might sound just so short

but the path tht we have came tgt

definitely is more than that

been thru all the tough tgt

and even the joys tht we shared

i might still not know u well

but i am sure i know u to the extent that

i know when is your augish or real

to talk about our love might be just so fragile

but nothing can stay as strong as my heart do

tht you might not know or any others

but as long as i am true

true to you, true to myself.

you hate the way i am

i know but still u do love me

am i right?

and all i do is to love and show care to you

bringing out my love,

but might not be enu

and i nv fail to keep improving

there's time human being harsh and angry

but there's time when human can diff real love

and i can diff it by now

if i cant or tht i would gave up early on

and not holding u tight

once again baby, i love you

even with your presence

no matter what status we are having

i am contented.

once again baby happy 15monthsary,

no big deal to the rest out there

but it matter all to me when i grow so much from this r/s

i will always stand by you

and never let you fall

2008-04-22T01:46:00.002+08:00

this love that needs to grow with 2 hearts slowly seem fading away

but mine stay strong, what about yours?

and what do you need to say when your love is true?

let it go

mean it good

let it dead inside

...............

nothing left to say?

2008-04-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

how am i suppose to lesser baby's burden?
sell my bike away? highest possibility
but afraid it will bring us more in convinent
work harder when i am having the 2mths holiday
and bring more money to us?
but somehow i offended baby for wht i have said
did i bring the wrong msg to baby again?
sigh. what am i suppose to do,
i need you to tell me
cos i am alr part of you
and i want to make your life better.

dedicated to baby (:

2008-04-17T01:53:00.002+08:00

this is a special request that i have decided to dedicate to baby. she had started her attachment since monday and i guess everything goes well till now. she is learning a lot from there and she mentioned that her supervisor is real nice. hope it remain all the way. baby is kinda stress but baby, endure! not only her work, giving tuition from mon to thur and never reach home before 9 and also mean she's working for more than 12hrs. well, what to do, both of as tough life. ): i am also working hard for my school work. never fail slping after 2plus am. i can see myself being more serious in my school work but i also seeing that the stress in me is growing. so afraid that i cant get it done on time so told baby that i will be staying back school to do work with fazil next week. hope i can complete what i planned to. if not i gotta chop my head off. then tues and sat giving tuiton and sat sun working. so so occupied and i am only gonna concentrate on my school work and baby, that's all. baby wrote me a letter during her work and i received it. she requested more post here so to occupy her during the weekend. now we even hardly have got much time tgt and hope this could warm baby hearts.

baby dont be afraid, my heart remain as long as you are around.
even so i have no time for anything else like this.
baby blog more post too when you are free alright?
so i can read it when you're busy or whren you are working.
well late night and im going to bed. goodnight world!
sweetest dream my sweetie!

2008-04-04T23:33:00.003+08:00

i cant seem to move on with my work
whenever i faces any problem
it just make me feel like going on without it
but yet i know i gotta make it done
down with fever and become worse
i stopped one night doing nothing
and tonight i only did so lil
so many things need to be done
not easy to get it done when i am someone that easily get affected
i know i am the causes
but i dun feel good neither
sigh i tried to make it better
to you i am just saying it
but not making things any better
feeling terrible?
why is it only special day
thn i can make her happy
make her feel love
but not all the day that i am with her?
or shall i say even the days i am not with her
probably she feel even more love?
sigh this is unfair for her.
all i can say i dont wana feel the real empty inside me
i don wana be here without you

i love you baby

2008-04-01T18:24:00.002+08:00

i'm home from school
feeling motivated to do assessment
to allow it to be keep in time
but i am feeling the real stress
and stress that stop me from doing any of my work
sigh nobody can help me
except myself
whatever it is i depend on me
gonna give tuition later
and i am feeling reluctant about it
for the sake of money
i have to go
baby, i can feel how you feel whenever you've to go for tuition
and wonderful, thunder is all around now
gonna start pouring again when i just kicked start my bike?
today just having jelly and snacks for dinner
no money for dinner
baby will be occupied today
and she is right now
sigh some words for myself,
you better make it good this time
say NO to grade E
stress uh!

~bad dream go away!

2008-03-21T00:13:00.003+08:00

i duno how are we suppose to manage this thru
badly i want this trip with you along
but not as a friend
but the love one of mine
this seem so far away
cos while i'm waiting for your reply
i thought thru alot
but what's the changes?
outcome= nothing
we spoke while we were at the top of our nerves
and i don't see any point of speaking anything at all
cos all were so untrue from our heart
deep down, i know how you feel
but can we make it thru?
that we planned so much what we gonna do when we are over there
which is less than 3days time
and even after our trip?
can we still make it in time?
is so hard to predict
no mood to even touch any tons of my works
and what can i do?
nothing
useless me, aimless life

2008-03-18T02:15:00.002+08:00

late nights

playing blackjack

slacking

went prawning

it was like so damn boring even after an hr past

the rode just cant be fine

thn wasted 2hrs and it started to get better

chicken wings was fantastic!

sauce wasnt nice for baby

but i keep dipping on my chickens

best part come after prawning

is to pop, wash and bbq the prawn

too many funny things happen

it was finger licking good with the salt all over the prawns

craving for more even after had some

hungry now...!

blah blah blah

and school started

hate today

it was ruined

fetch baby from tuiton headed to vivo

had LJS as its cheaper

we both gotta save save save

thn walked around to look for my jacket

and all was out of my budget

sorry baby for making you to walk around with me

and pissed you off

sigh cos of my situation now

baby gotta suffer with me

well, sigh

thn finally i brought one jacket thn to giant

cup noodles cup noodles and cup noodles and cracker

guess what?

we brought it for our sunday trip to genting

IS COMING!

never expect to go oversea with baby

its been so long since we've waited

alright baby not feeling well

and i just sit here hopelessly

cant do anything

neglected her feelings when you should

sigh hope by going swimming with her can amend some of her hurts

all those embarassed sence can make you laugh silly-ly to yourself

those 2videos or rather voice record will able to keep you company

when i pissed you off

sigh all these might be nothing compared to what i am suppose to amend

but i am really trying

i didnt cope my time, work and feeling well

all these screwed up

and YOU gotta wake up mentally

when she gone, you will just cried like a bitch

just not what she want from you!

sigh who can able to control the tears when it just slowly form it in you eyes

and even when its at the tip you just try to roll you eyes up

just to stop the tears from rolling down?